Tips for Working On and Controlling Jealousy: Good Jealousy Versus Bad Jealousy

“The Count is neither sad, nor sick, nor merry, nor well; but civil count, civil as an orange, and something of that jealous complexion.”

These words by Shakespeare are a civil pun by Claudio in “Seville” suggesting that bitter-sweet oranges are better for creating tantalizing marmalade, perhaps making other oranges jealous, at the same time. Even the 

TheCount may be over-jealous and his jealousy reflected in his complexion.

A little bit of jealousy can be a good thing, as it can serve as a guarding, defensive or protective mechanism. 

Over-jealousness can be detrimental to one’s health. 

Consider these examples of jealousy, where it acts as a protective device or mechanism.

On the job, a bit of jealousy serves to instigate employers to protect their employees and employees to watch out for their fellow employees. In a civil setting, good jealousy causes those in authority to be protective of their community members. Neighbors look out for one another when there is protective jealousy.

In a home environment, good or protective jealousy between husbands and wives leads them to be protective of one another, their family and their home. Parents and grandparents watch over their children and grandchildren with protective jealousy akin to guardianship on different levels. Siblings protect each other in school settings. Friends look after each other, too.

You will frequently hear these kinds of statements, indicative of different kinds of protective jealousy.

“This is my employee, so back off!”

“Be careful what you say because I work with him!”

“This is my wife, so watch out!”

“She is my grandchild, not yours.”

“Leave my little brother alone.”

“He is my friend, so get lost!”

Negative jealousy, excessive jealousy is often rooted in fear and suspicion and is seldom justified. It may involve trust issues in different kinds of relationships, aspirations or goals in the work place. In a marriage, it can be about marital issues like faithfulness or lack of faithfulness and the possibility of being true or cheating on one another.     

If you tend towards protective jealousy, it is usually a good thing. Where there is over-jealousy, it is not a good thing whether it is on your part or that of someone else.

Consider the five following tips with respect to controlling jealousy:

Keep everything in proper perspective.

Do not panic or allow your emotions to run rampant.

Examine your own motives, as well as those of others.

Learn to communicate effectively about issues, problems and concerns.

Seek appropriate resolution of jealousy in a positive, constructive manner.

Is rivalry or competition at the root of the your negative, destructive jealousy? On the job, in a community setting or at home, rivalry or competition can be major contributing factors to jealousy. Envy related to success or promotion often causes people to react in terms of being over jealous.

Sibling rivalry with evidence of jealousy is common, as children vie for the attention of parents and grandparents. They can become jealous of each other. At times, this kind of jealousy may last throughout their entire lives. It may or may not be justified. Perhaps one child sees another as having advantages he or she does not have. It may involve their parents, grandparents and teachers. It may also have to do with personal or desired possessions and assets.

Mothers and grandmothers, fathers and grandfathers feel the need to compete for the love and attention of children and grandchildren. They can become jealous of one another. Ideally, they should not be competing with one another or be envious of each other, as the primary focus for everyone should be the well-being of the children not themselves.

Distinguishing between good jealousy and bad jealousy can help to control jealousy. Effective resolution is always important.

Have you ever heard the expression, green with envy? Oranges have to ripen in order to become sweet, but bitter oranges make tangier marmalade. Jealously may lead to bitterness, which should not happen. Jealousy that leads to bitterness often becomes a negative health factor for everyone involved.

Soliciting the attention of someone may make others around you jealous. If you are aware that you are doing that, back off and let them become the center of attention. As they perch on the throne, they in turn are likely to become the targets of those who are jealous of them. They will learn that negative jealousy hurts people.

“Love of one God and one another” does not allow room for negative jealousy.

Controlling negative jealousy is something that anyone who professes love learns through time and experience. Let your good jealousy work for you in a positive way. If you must be jealous, be jealous in a Godly way, loving and protecting your own, but never allowing jealousy to become an obsession that will harm you and others.