How to Talk With Your Children About the Disaster n Japan: Talking Openly With Your Children

“How do I talk to my children about the disaster in Japan?” is a question that many concerned parents may have, at this time. They may also ask, “Is it better to remain silent?”

Should parents talk to their children about natural disasters, like the one in Japan or is silence a better option? Have you, as a concerned parent, thought about it?

During the time of any national disaster like the one unfolding in Japan, children can be frightened, as they do not know or understand the events that are taking place. It is important for them to feel loved and safe, when they are aware that something not good is happening, where they live or elsewhere in the world.

Thus, it is important for you to talk to them. Do not panic. Be aware that if you panic, your children may sense it and panic, too.

Children need to communicate with their parents about every aspect of their lives. They should be encouraged to talk openly to you about the disaster in Japan, in order to convey to you, their own personal feelings, thoughts and concerns.

What are they fearful of with respect to this particular disaster?

The words you use to talk to your children about the disaster in Japan are important. They should be simple, but reflect your care, concern and compassion for those whose lives are adversely affected. They should also convey a message of love and hope.

Your words should not convey fear. Avoid expressing helplessness, hopelessness, anger, despair, depression or adverse thoughts and feelings regarding the senselessness of natural disasters, like the one in Japan.

As parents, ask yourself, what your children already know about the disaster in Japan. By entering into a dialogue with them, you will be able relate to their level of knowledge, as well as expand their body of knowledge, in such a way that they can understand and accept natural disasters. An event, like this one, can teach children how to cope with other natural disasters elsewhere around the world, as well.

What details about the disaster in Japan, should you as parents, discuss with your children?

There is basic need to know information that parents should discuss with their children, but they do not need to know the details of every event that is occurring in Japan, as this could be traumatizing.

Children should have basic knowledge about earthquakes and tsunamis, as well as the implications of them, for the people living in the affected area.

As parents, you may choose to discuss the short and long-term implications of nuclear disasters with your children. How much detail you give them depends upon what you, as parents, feel they need to know.   

Remember that children are resilient and sometimes, more so than adults. Mentally, children will sort through what you tell them in such a way that they are able to cope with it. If there is evidence of not coping, manifested in terms of crying, fighting or arguing, immediate intervention may be necessary to calm their fears.   

One cannot deny the reality that the current disaster in Japan is extremely traumatizing for everyone, old and young. It is adversely affecting the lives of thousands of people, including both adults and children in the affected area, as well as many other people in Japan. The effects of this disaster extend much further, including those who have family and friends in the immediate area, elsewhere in Japan and outside the country.

Perhaps you and your children live outside the area, but you feel that everyone is adversely affected. You are correct in the assumption that a natural disaster of this magnitude can touch and change the lives of millions of people around the world, in one way or another.     

Global events including natural disasters should be discussed with children, as eventually, they will learn about them from someone at school or from their friends. Your own credibility as a parent is at stake, if you do not talk to your children about natural disasters like this one. Finding out about a disaster from someone else may not be good for your children. If you feel that you are not qualified or able to address this concern with your children, it may be possible to have someone else discuss it with them. 

It is important not to traumatize your children when you tell them what has occurred in Japan and what is still happening there. Begin with a minimum number of facts. When they begin to ask questions, discuss the topics they bring up.    

As parents, it may not be easy for you talk to your children about the disaster in Japan, particularly if you are in a state of emotional shock, as the result of having family members or friends living there. Let your children know that you are concerned about someone in particular, so that they do not feel excluded. They may be concerned about a Japanese friend or family, too.

Remember that your children have likely been watching the recent events in Japan on television and are still watching the current events unfolding there. They are also observing the reactions of others, all around the globe.  

Your children will have observed how you reacted or responded to the events that have occurred and will continue to observe how you are reacting to the events that are still unfolding. How you react may be the determining factor, with regard to how they react.  

How you talk to your children will depend upon your degree of involvement. To what extent is your immediate or extended family involved or affected? It is important that you relate vital information to your children, but do so appropriately.

The age of your children is a determining factor with respect to what you tell them. Your first instinct will be to protect them. This is an appropriate response to any tragic event. Remember that the protection of children is necessary, at all times.

Very young children will not understand what is happening in Japan, while school age children will have acquired some basic knowledge and information. Older children will have more knowledge than they can understand and may begin to ask questions. If you, as a parent, cannot answer their questions, make certain that they know that you will help them find the answers.

What you tell your children should be age appropriate, in conjunction with their communication level. 

School age children will know what earthquakes and tsunamis are, even if they do not understand all the implications. As parents, you might initiate a discussion on the benefits of nuclear energy, as well as what a nuclear disaster implies. The degree of education that you and your children have attained will help to determine what you tell your children.

You could familiarize your children with Japan and Japanese culture, if you have not done so already. Locate Japan on a world map, in relation to where you and other family members are in respect to the disaster area. 

The seriousness of major concerns in a natural disaster, like the one in Japan, should not be 

understated or hidden. Children should have access to this kind of knowledge, but always convey it to them gently.  

Your personal knowledge or general family knowledge about the disaster in Japan may vary to some degree. Family members should be encouraged to share accurate subjective and objective information. A knowledge-based approach to a disaster is preferable to a non-knowledge based approach.

Your personal relationship to your children is important. Do not say anything that will create a breach of trust between you and them. Your truth, honesty and sincerity, will help them to understand and appreciate you as parents, as well as give them some understanding of their potential family role in world events.

Your personal level of care, concern and compassion for others is important to your children. What they say or do will reflect this in years to come. Your personal belief system as parents or as a single parent is important. “God help us all,” gives children the option of calling upon God, for His divine intervention and assistance.

Perhaps you and your children will become actively involved in a project that benefits children in Japan. Active participation may be the best way to talk to your children about any disaster and can lead to a healthier attitude regarding disasters in general.  

Is silence really an option? It may not necessarily be the best one. Talk openly and freely to your children about the disaster in Japan, as well as other disasters around the world.