The 2-4-7 itch
Parents often stand by as
helpless outsiders, while their children are experiencing marital problems,
after only a few years of marriage.
“What happened to married for
life?”
"Well, their marriage
started off that way; then our children went in opposite directions. What will
happen to our grandchildren? We tried to help but..."
"Couples watching out for
the seven-year itch should be on their guard ..........they are far more likely
to separate after about two years of marriage. One in 12 couples is heading for
the divorce courts after 24 months." (1)
Divorceinfo.com offers divorce
statistics, suggesting that "the four year itch" is a likely time for
couples to begin to lose interest in their marriages. (2)
"One million children in America
For anyone contemplating
divorce, are you fighting in a positive, constructive way for your marriage?
Marital counseling is an option; but divorce is not.
Here are steps couples can
take, when times are tough.
Keep the peace
Marriages break up when there
is no peace at home, because two people cannot live together. Maybe they do not
know how to end the fighting. If both agree to keep the peace, the fighting
ends.
Keep the door open
One spouse leaves the marital
home; the other has the option of leaving the door open for him or her to
return. Closing the door may end the marriage. Leaving the door open allows
cooling down time and the possibility of renewing the marital commitment.
Rest and relaxation
Working spouses are often
exhausted. Coming home, all they want is rest and relaxation. When they cannot
find it at home, they may look elsewhere for it. Making your home the place for
rest and relaxation, works. Fun and play is important too, as even the oldest
spouses are children at heart.
Quality time
Quality time together is
essential, but children or other family members often take priority. Structured
quality time for couples may not the ideal; sometimes it works. Setting aside
‘our time’ lets couples get back in touch with each other.
Establishing priorities
What is most important to a
couple in their marriage will take precedence. Setting priorities properly is
important.
Marriage counseling
Marriage counseling is a viable
option. Counselors have unique strategies couples are not aware of when they
attend counseling.
Married children or married
adults?
When couples undertake
marriage, it is normally marriage as adults, but in marital breakdowns, spouses
may revert to childlike words or behavior. Marriage as adults, places it back
in its proper perspective.
Professional educator dialogue
versus spoiled-child warfare
Communication takes place on
many levels. When spouses participate in active communication with marriage
counselors listening in, the level of communication can be determined.
Communication breakdown signifies trouble, but improving communication skills
can save a marriage.
Peacemakers or warmongers
War and peace are part of the basic
nature of all human beings. In marriages, one spouse may be the peacemaker, at
all times and the other, the warmonger. Is it always one person who makes all
the concessions? Who makes peace? Ideally, it should be both spouses.
Love or hate...a fine line
There is a fine line between
love and hate. It takes one word, a smile or act of kindness to cross that line
and head in the right direction. The choice of words, deeds or action is yours.
Circadian rhythm
Circadian rhythm involves sleep
disorders. Spouses have different sleep needs. Inquiring into and examining
individual sleep patterns can help couples adjust their life styles
accordingly.
Marriage is
forever.....permanent, peaceful...who is breaking the pact and why?
Couples enter into marriage
with high expectations that are not easily met. There is always the unexpected
to deal with. Considering other partners is not an option; nor is it
necessarily better. Many of the same issues and concerns from a first marriage
recur in a second relationship. Resolving those issues can prevent what could
be a wonderful marriage from falling apart.
As a married couple, try
peeking into your marital relationship, purely as an unbiased outsider. Are you
impressed? Would anyone else be?
Your parents held high expectations
for you, as their married children. Was that not supposed to be as adults?
For free marriage counseling,
visit http://www.marriagemax.com/l.asp.
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